MRS TITTLETATTLES BIGGER PICTURE
Mrs T lifts the lid on Woolton Picturehouse’s roofless canopy
If you walked down Mason Street passing by the Woolton picture house in the 1960’s and by chance happened to
come across a young guy wearing round rimmed glasses with cap in hand on the pavement at the bottom of the cinema steps
singing #Won’t you please please Help me# You would have likely either thrown a coin in his cap or whipped out your copy of
‘Merseybeat’ asking him to sign it for you. But in this day and age after seeing the cinema’s roofless canopy and accident
inviting slippery-when-wet marble steps you would be much more inclined to ask the guy lying at the bottom of the steps if he
needed a paramedic or to whip out your injurylawyers4u affiliates card and advise him to claim for compensation.
Now you might think the chances of predicting something like that scenario happening are pretty remote, but as anyone who
has ever walked the floor of Ying Sangs local takeaway on a rainy day wearing Nike trekkies and a belly full of cider & black
will tell you the odds of ending up flat on your backside can on occasions be shorter than 2/1, so just for percentages sake lets
say two hundred Harry Potter fans all surge out the Woolton picturehouse on a rain drenched evening, the chances of some
poor guy with round rimmed glasses lying at the bottom of the cinema steps wailing ‘Help’ is in my estimation a relatively good
prediction to place a bet on.
Now given the fact that summer cinema attendances increase when the weather is wet and that rain is not unknown in
Woolton, not forgetting that the 2007 cinema owners themselves were solely responsible for the demolition of the cinema’s
canopy (a canopy proven to serve its purpose well, not only as an all elements weather shield for the marble steps and the
rain soaked queuing patrons but also as a roof for necessary down lighting to light up a steeply inclined main exit) begging the
question if it wasn’t structurally unsafe why were they in such a determined hurry to tear down the old canopy in the first place.
According to locals the cinema sits slap bang in the middle of a conservation area which is primarily residential. So any
changes of this nature you would think would require a demolition order and the full consultation and support of the local
neighbours, which usually takes at least four months to determine, so somewhat puzzling how they managed to strip bare the
face of the building and raze the canopy to the ground within two months of taking ownership. (I rest my case your Honour!)
If it was Mrs T who owned the Woolton Picture house my first priority would have been the health & safety aspect rather than
changing its looks. I would have asked myself if my actions to do away with the canopy without replacing it has (in the event of
personal injury) left the company open to culpable and contributory negligence secondly (after firing those put there to protect
my interests) I would be double checking the small print of the buildings insurance policy to see if it was adequate enough to
avoid finding ‘moi’ flat on my own backside at the bottom of the cinema steps singing to another Beatles tune called
But as I don’t own the Woolton Picture house, I may instead just go down the
local bookies to see if they will offer me greater odds than 2/1 to predict the
same banana skin set of slippery circumstances occurring at the foot of the
Picture house’s marble steps anytime in the not too distant future.
Talking of predictions, now that the cinema tills have been working overtime with
Harry potter predicted to be the highest gross earner of 2011 and the met office
forecasting 2011 as one of the wettest summers in 18 years, I wonder what the
odds would be on the picture house owners investing some of the takings back
into the business by providing the cinema with a long overdue new overhead
canopy? Maybe I should steer clear of that particular bet as the odds look to be
way too long, but you never know one day soon I might even be able to buy-out
my beloved local cinema with my winnings from my earlier slippery prediction and treat the rain-sodden patrons to a long
awaited new cinema canopy, just like the canopy the cinema owners promised and failed to deliver back in 2007 when they
gained the unhindered support and approval of the local residents to demolish the old canopy by telling them they were going
to replace it with a bigger and better looking one. I wonder why they told them that ?
This article dates from 2011 However the cinema still lacks its canopy and all bets are closed on when the Marble
steps will eventually start to crumble.
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Mrs T gets on her soap box to bring you all the chit chat,news and comments
concerning your local Picture house The Woolton.
KEEPING TIME ON
LATE NIGHT OPENING
MYTHS & LEGENDS
Mrs T debates the good old fashioned cinema
intermission and lifts the lid on Wooltons
Hush-Hush ice cream intermissions.
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